BAD DREAMS....

I have been having horrible dreams lately. I have dreams that I fall and the baby dies, I have dreams that the delivery is awful, I have dreams that I will go into labor and have to give birth to the baby ALONE. Now, I know that these are dreams that probably every to-be mom has, they just bother me.

More so than that, I am almost terrified at the idea of going off my medicine a week or so before. Oh thats right, I have told you about the stroke I had in January of this year!

REWIND!

Okay so the day was January 26, and Nat and I were at a blood drive being held in our building. I was on the table and the nurse had started to put iodine on my arm when I suddenly felt a feeling rush over me and I knew something was wrong. I told the nurse I didnt feel right and she called another nurse over who determined that it was just nerves and I needed to just relax. By this time Nat had noticed and was making her way over (she couldnt give blood b/c she was sick at the time). One of the nurse was making a call to her boss and I was beginning to get really SCARED. Nat had called my gramma, who is also my boss, and told that something was wrong and she should come down. I just remember looking at the ceiling and thinking I dont feel right, I was talking very weird like I just couldnt quite think right. My right hand was moving or doing anything at normal speed, Natalee said that the right side of my face was not moving when I smiled.

Moments later I am talking to the Bank owner (we work in a Bank of Oklahoma building) so I guess someone notified him. Before, I knew it an ambulance had been called. Gramma got there and Nat told her what was going on, all the while I couldnt quite put together what was happening. Gramma sent Nat back upstairs and by then the ambulance had arrived. They came in and talk to me, took my blood pressure and then started wheeling me away. They wouldnt let gramma ride with me and when I looked over at her I could see her mouthing that she would be at the hospital by the time I got there.

Riding on an ambulance was an experience I dont ever wanna go through again. I was so scared and alone. I was just looking up trying to keep my eyes, which felt SO heavy, open cause I thought if I went to sleep I wouldnt wake up again. We arrived at the hospital in no time and gramma was waiting in front of the emergency room. They wheeled me in and began taking my blood pressure, it was 170/121. They gave me blood pressure meds to get it down and sent me straight for a CT scan. We waited and waited, my brother and uncle showed up and the doctors had really said anything about what was going on! We were there for about 5 hours and they were releasing me, I started to cry. I was still having slurred speech and I couldnt hardly move my right arm, how could they release me?? He said he was sending me to a specialist first thing in the morning but for now the best thing to do was go home and rest. After we arrived home it wasnt long before I did sleep. I just remember thinking I would be like this forever.

The next morning we (gramma and I) got dressed and went to see the dr. Of course, I couldnt walk without tipping to the right so gramma had to help me alot. He said that I had had a minor stroke from a blood clot. They didnt ever find the cause. I recovered almost 99% within a month. Now, nine months later, you cant ever tell I had a stroke. I am very blessed!!!

I am on Plavix, which my OBGYN knows about. He said it is fine and that he would take me off a week or so before the birth b/c it is a blood thinner and all. I cannot breastfeed though. Which I have gotten used to the idea of that. I have just been thinking about when they take me off for that week or so, I hope nothing happens! I am sure it will be fine but I cant help but be scared. That experience is something I wouldnt wish on anyone. Even typing this and reliving it made me teary, it was a horrible terrifing moment and I never wanna go through it again!

Well that was a terribly sad post and I will try to type happier things next time :)